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Another day, another toilet paper drop.
My friends and I had spent a happy morning flying our little taildraggers through skies that had become warmer over the past few weeks. We cavorted, yanked and banked, and at the end of our very loose formation flight, we individually chased rolls of toilet paper that we chucked out of our planes and tried to intercept on the way down.
Papering the sky is not as easy as papering your middle school's assistant principal's house, but it is a lot more fun and does not usually result in calls to your parents or school detention.
Other activities for our spring flying fling included flying over all three of our houses to wave at various family members and then descending into a local grass strip to eat the sack lunches we packed for ourselves.
Lawn chairs were deployed, small coolers were produced and our conversation began. I hoped it would not last long so I could take a power nap before I flew to my home drome.
One of my flying friends, John, operates heavy machinery for his day job. He flies the Airbus on an international bus route. Ted, the second toilet paper attacker, has a more sedate job hauling overnight freight using Boeing 767s. I am the only non-airline pilot in our happy little band, having given up flying passengers in large subsonic people movers years ago.
Why are we here having fun, I asked, when the aviation world is so full of seriousness, angst, stress and fear? I feel a little guilty about having a good time today when I know that somewhere, somebody is about to smite the ground in an uncontrolled fashion or, worse yet, say the wrong thing on an airliner PA to the passengers. Shouldn't we attend a seminar or write an angry, judgmental email to somebody?
"Lighten up, Francis," said John, who was trying to decide whether to eat his sandwich or go straight to his package of cookies. "If flying were all about business and not pleasure, it would never have gotten off the ground. Do you think our aviation forefathers invented flying for business or to have a great time and pick up a romantic partner?"
I could see his point but wondered where the fun had gone for most of the people who fly.
Flying for the airline brought me a lot of joy and professional satisfaction. Still, except for a few weird maneuvers they allowed me to do in the simulator, flying was all about business, not fun.
There were no falling toilet paper rolls to cut, no diverting to fly over my Mom's house so she could wave at me and the airline never once gave me the keys to the jet and said, "Hey, Kev ... why don't you take the family plane out and just have fun with it?"
Every mode of transportation has an enjoyment factor. Train buffs have model trains, and crew members of the largest oil tankers most likely began rowing a boat, paddling a canoe or sailing a dinghy.
I have always felt that we humans are the Otters of the Universe. We are survivors, to be sure, but we are creatures who try to see fun and play in the things we do. Cavorting through the skies like we did today probably did not move the needle on aviation safety one bit, but having a good time has to be part of the mix. If flying isn't fun, at least part of the time, why would we bother to do it?
Ted, who had been quietly sipping on his juice pack, came up with a weird idea: "I think that aviation should have a Playmate of the Month, and I would like to volunteer to be the first one."
John and I agreed, and for the first time in aviation history, we would like to present our Playmate of the Month.
Ted has been flying for quite a few years but has never lost his perky and fun outlook on life. He once thought about modeling aircraft but decided instead to become a naval aviator, which eventually led to him flitting through the skies carrying your holiday presents to your Aunt Thelma in Shreveport.
His turn-ons
- Decent galley coffee
- Cold beer after a hot day of flying
- People who tie down and chock their airplanes properly
His turn-offs
- Mean pilots
- Self-appointed aviation experts who poop on other pilots when they have a bad day
- Most forward lavs in 767s
- Mexican layover food at non-Mexican layover restaurants
All three of us decided that doing a photo layout of Ted would be pointless because we knew that most pilots only read the interviews and articles.
So, people of flying, are you having any fun, or has aviation for you devolved into a plodding exercise of seriousness and grim flights from A to B?
