Grassy and warm fly-ins are a luxury that I bet Qatar does not have. I could be wrong about that, though, because Qatar may have many expensively maintained turf runways, considering that it has enough spare cash to give away a big giant “Dumbo” of a jet that some people say is worth four hundred million simoleons.
“There is no such thing as a free jet,” said Jeff, an old airline pilot buddy who was my plus one at today’s springtime airplane showoff and BBQ eating contest. “As a matter of fact,” he continued, “free airplanes can cost you the most.”
We spent the next few minutes discussing the whole “free jet” deal as we slurped on giant icy ice teas and watched a Taylorcraft launch itself from the grass for home. We discussed the probable lack of a pre-buy. Why pay for a pre-buy if you aren’t buying it? We talked about the long history of other “gifts” we have gotten from other nations, like the present the USSR gave us when we built our new embassy.
That gift was a wall hanging with enough listening devices to catch every secret word uttered in the ambassador’s office. Could that happen with a gifted 747? “Naw,” said Jeff. “Unless they find a place in the over 150 miles of wiring, with over 170,000 individual wires and cables connecting various systems throughout the aircraft. I just put a tiny GPS tracking device on my dog. I wonder how many trackers and other geegaws you could put on that 747.”
“Not my circus and not my monkeys,” I said. The past few years have led me to leave almost all of the political daily outrages and stupidity of both sides outside the airport gate, and if asked to tell people my opinion about such things, I give them my monkey/circus quote.
Speaking of circuses, I said I would take your “no jet is truly free” statement and expand it into this idea:
There is no Magic Feather.
I am thinking about that classic movie, Dumbo. No, I am not talking about that bizarre version that bored and money-hungry Disney execs foisted on us a few years ago. I am talking about the animated one made in 1941, which was one of the pivotal years.
“Now, 1941, I can get behind,” said Jeff. “That was one kick-ass movie. Belushi rules!”
Anyway, I continued, the baby elephant’s flying abilities were brought out by a mouse brandishing a “magic feather” donated by a group of crows that were most likely the most racist stereotype in the movies that year (and that was saying something).
Once Dumbo, the baby elephant, was given the magic feather and was briefed by his friend and flight instructor, Timothy Q. Mouse, he found the courage to begin his flying career.
Of course, at the end of the film, Dumbo loses the feather and, after a moment of cinematic panic, triumphs as he zooms over an amazed circus audience that includes even more insulting stereotypical characters than the above-mentioned crows.
“So,” said Jeff, “The moral of that story is if all you need is a little confidence boost to get you to make that metaphorical jump into flying a magic feather will do the trick.”
Wrong, I said.
As I said, there is no Magic Feather. Dumbo went through a heck of a lot before he made his first flight.
• He lost his mother
• He had a weight problem
• People took advantage of him
• He spent time at a circus working for peanuts while clowns ran his career.
Jeff said, “Wow! Except for the part about losing his mother at a young age, that pretty much describes my flying career!”
It goes on, I said as I went on.
The courage to try flying is easy. Once hooked, you are then offered various “magic” ways to get involved and make it your life’s work. Many people call this “paying your dues.” I call it grasping the Magic Feather.
Here are a few feathers and their true costs.
The military offers the best free flight training in the world and then lets you fly the best aircraft while they pay you!
Once the feather drops, you realize you owe them ten years of your maybe seventy-year-long life. The other cost is that life can be cut short because military pilots can be shot at and often are.
An airline piloting career is a dream come true, and they provide you with excellent training and a pretty good take-home pay. Of course, you will be away from that home you are taking your pay to for about 40% of your life while on trips and training. Also, in exchange for this great job, the airlines expect you to follow so many rules that they publish books of those rules.
Of course, the most obvious snatching away of the Magic Feather are the flight schools and colleges that offer you training to qualify to become a military or, more likely, an airline pilot in exchange for a lot of money.
“So, what is so bad about all that?” asked Jeff. “I made that trade for both a military and an airline career and had a blast. I would not do it any other way.”
I wouldn’t either, but we know there is no magic feather. At our advanced age, we also know that there are no shortcuts or freebies when it comes to becoming and remaining a pilot.
We also agree that there is absolutely no such thing as a free pilot career or a free jet. Anyone telling you there is such a thing is selling you a feather full of bugs attached to an anchor.
That “feather” may well be coated in heartbreak and a bad case of indigestion. However, caveat emptor “buyer beware” which may not be obvious to the younger set is required consideration. Then again, maybe you’ve just won the lottery. Throw the dice with your future?
Yep. Heinlein was right. TANSTAFL.
Somewhat on-topic (perhaps). I was checking out a new CFI a couple of weeks ago in one of our training aircraft and he mentioned that he had just finished his ATP at a nationally recognized airline training school. Being a bit nosy at that point, I casually asked him how much he had to finance and he said (as best as I can recollect) “almost $150,000, but I look at it as an investment. I’m sure the airlines will be hiring when I reach 1500.” Not much I could say after that, but I didn’t charge him for my instruction during the checkout… so that much was free.
It’s a different world that we live in when I think back to my ‘lineboy’ days in the early 70s when the airport manager exchanged a 6 hour shift for an hour of flight instruction. Essentially I was paid $1.10 an hour and could fly for the price of fuel/oil and instructor. Avgas was $0.50/gal and my CFI charged $3.00 per hour. Those were the days, my friend.
My apologies for the digression… wistful time-travel seems to happen more often these days.
You nailed it, Kevin! My feather was needing to make money at flying.
My uncle taught me to fly in his '46 Cub back in the early 60’s. He let me fly it solo sans license, logbook, medical, solo endorsement, or even paying for its 80 octane. I was twelve-going-on thirteen and had no money. I’d like to say that I traded labor for it, but frankly, any contribution I made in that area was primarily helping him do stuff, so that was fun too. This was rural NC, and that’s just the way it worked back then. Many of my buddies got the “privilege” of learning how to plow, plant/pick tobacco, bale hay, muck barns (all allowed excuses for missing school) so my only limitation was getting to the airport on the weekends. I had a bike and it was only 18 miles of rural macadam. It was the only thing that could get me out of bed at dawn.
Surprisingly, the one thing I knew/learned at that tender age, was never to take something you really love, and try to make money at it. That’s the fastest was to suck all the joy out of it. So I went into the nascent field of computing. And when that stopped being fun, I went into teaching computing, And when that started to became more onerous than rewarding, I retired.
I don’t do any computer work any more, but I have an airplane and a helicopter, both bought with the proceeds of my career, and no small amount of sweat-equity. Coming up on my 46th year at KOSH, and I still love to fly.
Different, but similar to Aviatrexx’s motivations, I knew up front that the Electrical Engineering degree paid for by the Air Force would cost 4 years of my life, and I was proud and grateful to accept the debt. Likewise the “best fight training in the world” would also cost me 4 years of my life, and again I was grateful to accept the debt. What I didn’t know was that the two debts would be paid off concurrently so I got college and flight school for only 4 years! The thought of getting shot at just added to the excitement!
I did this for myself, yes, but I also did it for my country. No fear, no worries about the on-going air war in SE Asia, no complaints about the military until the flying part ended so I left, well past my obligation so that I could finish the engineering work for which I was responsible. The engineering sustained me past that short stint with an airline that went bankrupt during the economy of the late-70s/early-80s.
Computers? Yeah, I did a bunch with them and, since drawing the shades on Windows and starting with Ubuntu linux, computers are fun again!
Oh, and over the years I have owned, loved, and flown seven gliders, a Cessna 180 which I haven’t flown since yesterday, and a kit-built, two seat, enclosed cabin gyroplane. It’s been 4 days since I few it. Riding my Harley today.
Yup, off topic, but I’ll weigh in on the 747. Politics aside, I think it’s not a very good idea.
I find it interesting to analyze the stochastic properties of an individual’s life. How much of it is the result of analysis and planning, and how much is random.
In my case, as a high-school junior (already teaching programming for a minor stipend) I wanted to fly rotorcraft. I drove three hours to talk to a very patient, and impeccably dressed, Igor Bensen about gyros at his shop. I thought I might be able to afford one long before I could buy a helicopter. Then I found out about the Warrant Office program. They would teach me to fly all kinds of choppers for FREE. This was 1969. When my sainted grandmother (who kept up on current events much better that I) found about this, she told me in no uncertain terms that would NOT be doing that. So my participation in that particular unpleasantry was limited to watching demonstrations from my campus office window. I would not have made a good soldier.
Aside: Did you know that the only surviving example of the Cessna CH-1 Skyhook helicopter is in storage at Ft. Rucker? It set the piston-single-engine helicopter altitude record at Pike’s Peak with four Army brass aboard. That record still stands.
I had to look that one up!
Yeah, Sometimes I think that becoming and remaining a pro pilot was the least profitable way to earn a living in aviation!
Dan, I sounds like your life sucks! I fly a 140 almost every day, it is only 40 less than your ride. Out kayaking today which is like riding a Harley only damper. kg
Just goes to show how much of a sci-fi nerd I am!
Glad to hear you call it “Ft Rucker”.