Short Final

Pilatus: Tower, we think we just hit Rocky the Squirrel half way down the runway. Tower: I thought I saw a pink mist down there. Is your plane OK? Pilatus: Seems we’re fine, but its not been a good day for Rocky. Tower: Let’s just hope Bullwinkle doesn’t come looking… (10 minutes later) Airport 1: […]

When communications run afowl… (Overheard May 15, 2004.) Tower: Landing traffic, be advised that there’s still a turkey on the runway. Pilot (speaking immediately): Tower, Cessna ### clear of the active. Tower: Thank you … (laughter) … but I meant the real turkey.

(Three runways, two intersections and a lesson in geometry.)While doing touch and goes at my home airport…Tower: Experimental XYZ, cleared to land 17, hold short of 35. Me (without thinking): Roger, cleared on 17, hold short of 35. (Several seconds later.) Voice on frequency: I want to see this! Another voice: Me, too! Tower: Uh, […]

While practicing for my commercial license I was in the practice area west of Cleveland Hopkins airport. I had the radio tuned to the tower and heard this… Controller: Cessna ###, what is your purpose here on the field? Pilot: I’m here for my check ride.(pause)Controller: Are you a bit nervous? Pilot: A bit… Controller: […]

Everybody’s a critic… Overheard on a busy training day while joining the traffic pattern at Caldwell airport, N.J… Tower: Cessna ###, traffic at your one o’clock and 1,200. Cessna ###: We’ve got a Piper flying an extremely tight pattern … or a go-around. Tower: Piper ###, traffic, a Cessna, at your five o’clock and 1,300. […]

From our “Finer Points of Maintenance” file… “Remember, you really only need two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the duct tape.”

From our brain burps file… Tower: Fokker 170, hold position. Fokker 170: I don’t know how to do that. (pause) Manila Tower: [Airliner] 2, hold position. Fokker 170, continue approach, cleared to land.

Overheard enroute from RMG to 45J… Pilot: Approach, Skylane N###, Could I have a right turn direct mydestination? Approach: Standby. I’ll check to see if that Dash 8 doing 200 knots up your five-o’clock feels like wearing you on his lapel…

Submitted to you without further comment … the pilots of Cessna ABC weren’t as lucky. Cessna XYZ: Cessna ABC, Cessna XYZ return to base due to turbulence. Student unwell. Cessna ABC: Cessna XYZ, my student suggests it will be better for the both of you if you climb on top.