Short Final

Just another day around the patch… Tower: Experimental N123, we’ll try to squeeze you in. Number one, cleared to land, runway 26 left. Be advised, traffic close behind you. Experimental: Number one for 26 left, N123. (pause) Tower: Experimental N123, turn your base now, please, and keep your speed up. Traffic, a Hawker jet 10 […]

Overheard last April near Miami, Florida, just as Sun n’ Fun was kicking in… Pilot: …request VFR flight following to Lakeland. ATC: N123, unable at this time… Pilot: Roger, unable. Any idea when can I expect it? ATC: Try again … this time next week.

The new math. Airline ABC: Miami center, Airline ABC, any ride reports up ahead? We’re getting continuous light to moderate here at two-eight-oh. Center: Airline ABC, Miami center, no ride reports for your area, but I’ve got three-zero-zero available. That’s a brand new flight level … so there shouldn’t be any potholes in the road […]

Overheard, one beautiful sunny day in southern California. I wasn’t clear on exactly what the miscommunication was, either… Twr: Helicopter N123 are you heading southeast after takeoff? N123: Negative, request south towards San Diego. Twr: There are mountains in the way… (pause) N123: …which explains our use of an aircraft today.

Short runway, shorter fuse, and usually carrying less animated cargo… Tower: Understand you’re without cargo today. If you’re light, cleared for runway 6. N1234: All I have on board is my wife … and she’s heavy, but not THAT heavy. (pause) Tower: Roger N1234, and she’s flying with you, now? N1234: Yep, she’s got her […]

Flying with the wife. Me: Skyhawk ##1, four miles south of the field, entering left downwind runway 22. Other Pilot: N##2 crossing mid-field. I dont see you, do you have your lights on? ME: We are all lit. Wife: (over the intercom) That didn’t sound right. Me: Just to clarify, the plane is lit, not […]

An oldie, but a goodie… A fighter pilot called for a priority landing because his single-engine jet fighter was running, “a bit peaked.” A controller responded and the lore follows… ATC: Roger. You’re number two behind a B-52. They’ve had to shut down an engine. Fighter Pilot: Ah, yes … the dreaded seven-engine approach.

As I approached untowered Booneville (AR) Municipal Airport, I announced on CTAF. This was the exchange: Me: Skylane 123 entering left downwind, runway 27 Booneville. Unicom: Roger, Skylane 123, Wind is calm. Sklane 123, your rotating beacon is not working. Wait … yes it is. No it’s not. Yes it is…. Me: Roger, thanks.

Tower: How was the ride down the ILS? Airliner 123: Pretty good actually….. Tower: When did you break out? Airliner 123: (pause) 1996 Airliner 123: (even longer pause) OH!! You mean out of the clouds?? Airliner 123: …About 1000 feet.

Submitted to our “shouldn’t you have better things to do” file… Tower: L39 N###, Did you guys get that contract with the post office? L39: Say again Ellington Tower. Tower: L39, We heard that the mail was going to be in the Czech. (pause) L39: … Slow day, huh. Tower: (laughing) Sorry.