Short Final

Flying an Army OH58 in the early ’80s, we determined that we would not have the fuel to make our planned destination. Passing Kessler Air Force Base, we called the tower for landing instructions. Kessler Tower:“Do you have PPR?” [PPR = “prior permission”] OH58 (not knowing what “PPR” stood for) :“No. [pause] All we have […]

I heard this while returning from Texas: Piper Pilot (with a thick southern drawl) :“Sahv, Centah, Ah believe Ah’m a-fixin’ to cancel mah IFR flaght plannn.” Center:“Are you just ‘fixin’ to,’ or are you going to cancel it?” Piper Pilot:“Ah believe Ah’m a-goin’ to cancel it about now.” Center:“Roger. Squawk VFR.” Ron CizekOmaha, Nebraska

Overheard flying into Chicago (ORD): ORD Approach:“British Airways, can you be down to 4,000 feet by XXXXX?” British Airways 1234:“I suppose so, but I don’t think I can bring the aircraft with me.” John Finleyvia e-mail

During the late 1970s, a Royal Air Force “Belfast” strategic freighter approached on final to Chicago O’Hare. (What’s a Belfast? Read on!) Callsign: “Ascot 1234.” Ascot 1234:“Chicago tower, Ascot 1234.” Chicago:“Ascot, say your aircraft type.” Ascot 1234:“Ascot 1234 is a Belfast.” Chicago:“Uhhh, what in heck’s a Belfast, Ascot?” Ascot 1234:“It’s a big 4-turboprop freighter – […]

ATC questioned a confused student pilot: Tower:“What are your intentions?” Student Pilot:“After this cross-country flight, take my check ride and get my private license.” Ray Dashvia e-mail

And now for a slight departure from our usual “Short Final” hijinks: Many years ago, I heard a radio exchange that, for me, illustrated the great resources and the responsibilities we have as pilots. Climbing into the VFR corridor of the New York TCA, I heard this on the frequency: American 123:“Boston Center, American 123.” […]

While I was waiting for departure clearance, a student pilot was departing on a parallel runway and was cleared to cross my intended departure flight path. Concerned of a possible collision, he was maintaining healthy climb. Tower:“Skycatcher 12345: While your climb performance is impressive, I would remind you that Class B Airspace starts at 3,000 […]

Departing IFR out of KTOA; handed off to Socal Departure after take-off. Cardinal:“Good morning, Socal Departure. Cardinal 177VA is climbing through 700 for 3,000.” Departure:“Cardinal 177VA, Socal. Please ident, and be advised the tower said your gear was still down.” Cardinal:“That’s a good thing. This is a fixed-gear Cardinal!” Stephen Feldmanvia e-mail

United 123:“Oakland Center, United 123. Do you have a ride report for FL350? We’re trying to have lunch, and it’s a little bumpy.” Oakland Center:“United 123, stand by.Southwest 4567, how’s your ride at FL350?” Southwest 4567:“Dunno. Haven’t had lunch yet.” “Fly-a-Lot”via e-mail

A few years ago, during the Annual Air Spectacular at a usually very quiet Baldonnel Military Air Field: ATC (to US military A10 Warthog on finals for a fly-by and demo) :“Caution. Cyclist crossing the active runway.” A10 (hopefully jokingly) :“Do you want me to take him out?” Paddy Kilduffvia e-mail