Short Final

Some Army helicopters are big and loud. Tower:“Army helicopter, cleared to land – runway 25.” Army:“Cleared to land, 25.” [after landing] Army:“Tower, be advised that there is a large flock of birds near the departure end of the runway.” Tower:“Roger. And you didn’t scare them away?” Ted Timmonsvia e-mail

Conversation that took place while a student pilot was in the traffic pattern at KSAV: Control Tower:“Cessna 12345, how much time do you have?” Cessna 12345:“I have the plane until 5:30.” Control Tower:“I meant, ‘How many hours do you have?’” 12345:“About twenty.” Michael Calarrudavia e-mail

Overheard while listening to an area radar center in England during the early ’80s. Two United States Air Force Europe fast jets climbing out of a low flying area were trying to locate each other to join formation. “Ratch 13”:“Ratch 12, where are you?” “Ratch 12”:“Ratch 13, one mile south of Chester.” “Ratch 13”:“Ratch 12, […]

Long time ago! Army Caribou:“Raleigh Durham Tower, Army 73080 in position, runway 23, ready for take-off. Wait a minute, Tower – there is a turtle crossing the runway!” Tower:“Army 080, hold for crossing turtle; advise when clear.” Army 080 (several minutes later) :“Raleigh Tower, turtle has cleared runway!” Tower:“Army 080, winds 240 at 6; cleared […]

Years ago, I had an interesting ATC encounter in Washington airspace that I think would be humorous to your readers of “Short Final.” While flying my RV-4 in the narrow VFR slot between the old Washington ADIZ and the expanded Camp David TFR, I lost my GPS. Without a VOR, I contacted Wash. Center. The […]

Heard this at John Wayne Airport recently. The airliners often like to take off from runway 1L if the wind is within their take-off limits to save fuel. United 123:“John Wayne ground, say winds please.” John Wayne Ground:“Winds are variable between 110 and 120 at 6 knots.” John Wayne Ground (after a pause) :“Actually, I […]

Whitted Ground:“N12345, clear of the active, taxi to the Hangar Restaurant.” N12345:“345 cleared to the restaurant via ‘Bravo.’” Whitted Ground:“They’re featuring five dollar hamburgers today.” N12345:“Five dollars? I thought it was a hundred-dollar hamburger!” Whitted Ground:“For you, it’s a hundred dollars. For me, it’s five dollars.” Michael J. McCarthyvia e-mail

About 40 years ago, when I was learning to fly at Christchurch International in New Zealand, I was holding for take-off on the grass when I heard this exchange from the tower with a visiting farmer who was heading back to the farm. Tower:“You’re cleared for take-off – runway 29.” Farmer:“Cleared for take-off; 29. Tower […]

I heard this on a recent trip into New York’s JFK Airport: Air Carrier:“Kennedy tower, how do you read?” Kennedy Tower:“Usually from left to right.” Keith F. Laudervia e-mail

While working approach control at Columbus, Georgia several years ago I had this exchange with a pilot: Cessna 123:“Columbus Approach, Cessna 123.” Me:“Cessna 123, Columbus Approach.” Cessna 123:“Columbus Approach, how far is it from here to where I’m at?” Just try to answer that with a straight face! Bruce Hargisvia e-mail