Short Final

GCA Approach:“NXXXX, turn right one degree.” NXXXX:“No can do.” CGA Approach:“Well, then — turn left two degrees, then right three degrees.” Jack Dennehey

On a particularly stormy day in the Green Mountains of Vermont, I heard the following exchange between a flight on approach to BTV (Burlington, Vermont) and approach control. BTV approach:“NXXXAJ, how was the ride down?” NXXXAJ:“Rougher than a stucco bathtub.” Andrew Walker

NY Center:“Jetsetter 123, got time for a quick question?” JS123:“Sure.” NYC:“What’s the service ceiling on that bird?” JS123:“FL 510.” [A moment of silence followed.] Then someone asked:“Does that thing come with astronaut wings?” XY456:“Hey Center, what type of aircraft were you talking to?” NYC:“He’s a G6.” Some other regional jet driver then chimed in:“Man, I […]

40+ years ago, on a busy busy day in the Schenectady County Airport traffic pattern. An older WWII-era pilot owned a Stinson L5 that he used for a little instructing and light aerobatics. In the pattern on downwind, this exchange occurred. Tower:“Stinson N1234, do a 360 for spacing.” N1234:“Vertical or horizontal?” Mark Wielt

A controller on an adjacent position had a VFR pop-up looking for advisories. Due to a familiar sounding call sign, he asked if the aircraft was a Skymaster, obviously thinking it was a Cessna 337. The pilot replied:“Heck, no. I’m a solo student.” Derek Crane & Tim Shea

While flying from Henderson, Nevada to Ontario, California, I was receiving flight following from L.A. Center. In the middle of the desert, just southwest of Primm, Nevada, I heard a pilot initiate a call to Center with, “Excuse Me … .” My ears perked up. The conversation was as follows: Pilot:“Excuse Me. Can you tell […]

Back in the ’60s, at TEB, a student on a cross-country got lost over eastern Pennsylvania and managed to come up on a New York Center frequency asking for help. When the controller asked for the pilot’s name, he responded:“There is no pilot — just me: Carlos.” Ron Krantz

Heard over tower frequency at our local airport recently. Left me crying and difficult to talk on radio. Unknown aircraft:“Err — Tower — altimeter?” Tower:“Go ahead, Altimeter.” Bob

I was recently flying my Mooney into an airport in Colorado. Listening on the CTAF, I heard a Citation X announce:“Citation N1234 about 15 miles west, landing.” Trying to be accommodating, I replied:“Citation, Mooney is about five miles out, but I’ll go to the VOR, then return and follow you. You’re burning a lot more […]

This past week I watched the Wings Over Wine Country Air Show practice from my hangar at KSTS. I was listening to the tower on my handheld. While I was listening, three different pilots wandered into the TFR, causing the rehearsals to be delayed. The fourth time it happened was when the Canadian Snowbirds had […]